Aforizmalar

Comme toujours, je suis sauvée par l’incapacité qu’ont les êtres à croire à ce qui fait exploser les cadres de leurs petites habitudes mentales. Une concierge ne lit pas l’Idéologie allemande et serait conséquemment bien incapable de citer la onzième thèse sur Feuerbach.

Muriel Barbery / L’élégance du hérisson

The corner is as strange to Americans as a small meal or a president who can spell. American cars run off and cry when they see one.

Richard Hammond / Top Gear S04E06

81 of course, surely the most appropriate ever number for a Bugle, John because as I’m sure our millions of Turkish-speaking listeners would be able to tell us 81 in Turkish, well it’s still 81 but it’s pronounced ”sex ‘n beer” and ”sex ‘n beer” is what we’re all about.

Andy Zaltzman / The Bugle 81

Asking the front wheels of a car to do their normal job of steering while handling let’s say more than 170bhp is like asking a man to wire a plug while juggling… penguins, while making love to a beautiful woman, while on fire, on stage, in front of the Queen. It’s all going to go wrong!

Jeremy Clarkson / Top Gear S13E04

Speed has never killed anyone. Suddenly becoming stationary, that’s what gets you.

Jeremy Clarkson / Top Gear S6E10

It must be quite scary driving along only knowing where you are by things that have just gone past.

James May / Top Gear S13E1

Laws against the manufacture and sale of marijuana were overturned by Congress today shortly after activists showed up wearing suits and ties and removed the word ”dude” from their legal arguments. [...] This just in: marijuana has been reillegalized after several advocates were caught attempting to use the Lincoln Memorial as a bong.

The Onion Radio News

21.05.2009

The vast Olympic stadium in central Moscow was certainly packed with an enthusiastic crowd, which was entertained with the usual mix of the bold, the beautiful, the bad and the utterly bizarre.

Richard Galpin / BBC News

So it was okay to waterboard a guy over 80 times but God forbid the guy who can understand what that prick was saying has a boyfriend. Waterboarding may make the prisoner talk, but it ain’t gonna make them talk English.

Jon Stewart / The Daily Show

14.05.2009

So it’s Bugle 73. John, this is a historic Bugle because it now means we now have had the same number of total episodes as the Catholic version of the Bible: 73 books of the Bible versus 73 podcasts. Who’s produced the greater quantity of bullshit, you decide!

Andy Zaltzman / The Bugle 73

It turns out that when they said they had only waterboarded three times, what they actually meant to say was around 400 times. Now, that sounds bad but let’s be fair. Those numbers are actually very close together if you remove all the numbers between them.

John Oliver / The Bugle 71

Top story this week… I’m not telling you what it is. Aaw, aww! Okay, I’ll tell you. Just, please don’t ever do that again. Torture! Look, you’ve got all the answers that you wanted but I have lost all respect for you and I may have been radicalized!

John Oliver / The Bugle 71

Les Français ont des images qu’il ne faut pas bousculer: Borloo boit, DSK baise, Chirac sort son bichon.

Stéphane Guillon

21.04.2009

If you know anyone with a child at risk of dying like a complete chucklehead, contact the foundation to save dumb-ass kids from killing their stupid-ass selves.

The Onion Radio News

16.04.2009

There are two attributes of matter in the Newtonian universe. One is space occupancy. Matter takes up space and I guess the more you matter, the more space you take up, which explains the whole SUV phenomenon.

Emily Levine / TED Talks

2002

Never ask what sort of computer a guy drives. If he’s a Mac user, he’ll tell you. If not, why embarras him?

Tom Clancy

Décidément, Bernard Kouchner n’en finit plus de retourner sa veste.

Libération / La Turquie dans l’UE? Kouchner n’y est plus favorable

Si la paix pouvait embrasser ce monde juste un jour,
Une trêve, une pause pour que l’on sache après quoi on court.
Sait-on encore c’que signifie l’amour ?
J’ai bien peur que non, Dieux nous le montrent tous les jours…
La planète tourne à l’envers, ça m’fait peur,
Voyez vous les flammes de l’enfer frères et soeurs.
Ne lui vendez pas vos âmes.

113 feat Black Renégat / Un jour de paix

They pledged 1.1 trillion dollars to sort out this mess. Now, my initial reaction following the size of recent bail-outs was to say ”only a trillion dollars!”, which is not a sentence I thought I’d ever say, particularly given that I’m not a waiter in a Zimbabwean restaurant, complaining about an ungenerous tip.

Andy Zaltzman / The Bugle 70

What do we want? The complete liquidation of humanity’s method of commerce. When do we want it? By the end of the next financial quarter. Is that reasonable? Of course it’s not. This is really just designed to gain attention rather than function as a practical suggestion. Is that surprisingly self-aware for a political message? I suppose it is but you just have to be in the current climate.

John Oliver / The Bugle 70

Let’s say an electronic voting machine breaks down in India, do you call someone in the United States?

Jon Stewart / The Daily Show

18.03.2009

There shouldn’t really be too many differences between an LA Bugle and a normal Bugle. You’ve probably noticed that this is a more shallow, self-important, self-satisfied Bugle with some cosmetically enhanced features due to lack of self-esteem.

John Oliver / The Bugle 69

A blog is just a diary you post on the Internet so everybody in the world can read along. It means you’re under the impression that your every waking thought is a source of fascination but you’re wrong. Then there is MySpace which is mainly full of dreadfull indy bands that want a record deal although it’s a lost cause. Then there is Facebook which is mainly a way to reassure yourself that your buddys’ lives are just as dull as yours. A podcast is a radio show you’re making post-yourself so it doesn’t matter if it’s really crap. Mp3s are just a clever way of stealing people’s songs which is why the record industy’s collapsed. Wikipedia is a site where you could have looked all this for up yourself if you weren’t such a lazy git. And Twitter is for messages that are less than 140 charachters or less and I’m the king of it!

Mitch Benn / BBC Radio 4 – The Now Show

27.03.2009

Just because you robbed the grave, it doesn’t mean you killed the guy.

Samantha Bee / The Daily Show

16.03.2009

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

Jane Austen / Pride and Prejudice

To argue that you need to be physically fit to live in America is slightly undermined by the size of many of the people who live here.

John Oliver / The Bugle 68